I Sure Hope This Makes Sense

For as long as I can remember, when I’ve been in a situation in which one says, “Just think of a peaceful, soothing place; close your eyes. Go to your happy place,” I have breathed deeply and conjured up the ocean. I allow my mind to transport me past the breakers, to the gentle swells that surround me like a giant hug and gently lift me toward the sun and lower me back down. It is the most tranquil, the most centered, the most at ease with the world I have ever felt.

On Monday, while visiting the Wee Beasties in North Carolina, I got to swim in the ocean for the first time in thirty years. My mobility has been affected by a bad fall I had in September, so my plan was to just sit in the sand and soak up the salty air and collect some seashells. But as Willa and I dug in our toes and watched the waves I was overcome with a need to be in the water. Not to just splash a bit near the shore, but to swim out past the breakers and be lifted and lowered by the swells I love so.

I did it. I laid aside my fear and walked straight into the waves, dove into them, and surfaced in the most glorious, fulfilling ocean hug. I swam and giggled like a child and floated and cried with relief and joy and gazed at the cloud-strewn sky and had a long conversation with my mom. I thanked her for instilling in me a love and appreciation for the ocean, and for teaching me to swim at such a young age at the La Jolla Breakwater. I told her I miss her and I hope I’ve made her proud.

Coming out of the water I realized that I was moving more freely and without pain. I bent and stretched in every direction. The pain in my ribs was gone. It was as if my movement in the water shifted something that had been out of place and I was, in a sense, healed. What I’ve come to realize this week is that that healing wasn’t restricted to my body. Something shifted in my spirit out there in the swells. I am new and free and content and whole. I am whole. Those are such powerful words.

My friend, my hope for you is to find the healing “swells” in your life, whatever that looks like. May you be joyful. May you be content. May you be hopeful in the face of fear or disappointment. May you be filled with purpose. May you know how very much you are loved and appreciated. Thank you for allowing me to share my journey with you. I’m so glad you’re here.