Psst. Hey, you. You are enough.

Real talk: do you ever just look around at the state of the world and feel super blue? Helpless? Ineffective? Maybe it’s too much watching the news, or too much listening to the negative voices, or allowing myself to be sucked into drama that’s terrible for my peace of mind, or the grey, grey Winter skies that feel like a never-ending abyss…perhaps a combination of all of the above. But, whew. It’s getting to me lately.

I just reread the above and holy crap. It’s so morose. But it’s real. And I’ve promised to be real with you here.

Here’s the thing: I grew up in San Diego, where the weather is pretty much perfect pretty much all the time. It wasn’t until my third Winter here in Michigan that I realized I had Seasonal Affective Disorder. I never knew SAD was a thing. But after three years of being listless, exhausted and melancholy every year from the end of October until the following May, I realized there just may be something to this seasonal affective thing.

These days I begin to prepare for each Winter by the end of August. I contact my primary care physician and increase my meds (because, you know- if your body doesn’t make enough serotonin, store-bought is just fine.) I get my surroundings organized, as I know I function best in an orderly space. I make a deal with myself to exercise more regularly. I drag out my therapy light and make sure it’s still functional, then I place it next to the recliner in my studio. I do everything I can think of to prepare for the dark months that I know are ahead. And you know what? Sometimes even that isn’t enough.

On those days (such as today) I try to be extra gentle with myself. I practice saying to myself what I would say to a friend experiencing the same thing. I don’t shame myself for the Zebra Cake at 2am. I allow for extra time to complete tasks. I let myself cry if that’s what I need. I say (out loud,) “I am safe. I am loved. I am in a good place. I am safe. I am loved. I am in a good place.”

This afternoon I was at work at the gallery and was feeling extra vulnerable- as if who I am and what I do is not enough. And I looked down at the grey and white striped basket thoughtlessly tossed by the door when I arrived. It contains my felting works-in-progress. I opened the little bento box where my nearly finished gnomes live, and I drew in a deep breath. This is my gift to the universe and the universe’s gift to me. To put tiny friends into the world to brighten the day of a stranger, expecting nothing in return. For now, this is my purpose. It is fun. It is lovely. It is genuine and generous and it is enough. I am enough. I need to say that again for myself: I am enough.

And you, my dear, dear friend: you are enough. Whatever you are doing or not doing. Whatever you have the energy for (or not.) Whatever the world is telling you about your worth. You are valuable and you are enough.

I am so grateful to be in the world at the same time as you, and I heart you more than I can say. Thank you for being here.